Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just high enough for therapy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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