when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
