hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
