You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
