White coat. Heels.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
