opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
