in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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