doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
