So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
