Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
