im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize