question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
