I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
