So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
