8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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