I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
