Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize