Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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