Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
