Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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