you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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