Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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