Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i now understand why vodka
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
