She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
