My first STD was from a foam party
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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