note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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