just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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