I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
