I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
