I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
