I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
