why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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