Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
