I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
