babies were throwing up all over the place
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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