i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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