Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
