a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
