Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
