we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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