We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize