No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
