so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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