he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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