I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
