508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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