This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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