I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
