Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I fill condoms, not promises.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
