i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
