I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
