when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
