Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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