It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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