Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
