I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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