Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
