I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
