i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
