I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
honey bunches of taint.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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