I want to make a zoo with you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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