Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
