I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
