so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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