I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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