the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
